This is getting old....

So today we found out that yet another cycle didn't work. I've been crying about it today but am starting to feel better. But for the record, if another person tells me to relax or try doing it naturally*, I'm going to scream! Now if you'll excuse me, I'm going to go get a pedicure and wander around the mall to try to make myself feel better.

*Naturally: Without the help of proven medicine and educated doctors/specialists.

Welcome to my Life!

My "cycle" has NEVER been normal. Other than the first time I got my period, I remember 2 other times in my life when I got it without the help of medicine. At one point (4 years ago), my doctor thought that I had tumors. She sent me to an ultrasound technician. It was interesting to see the skeptical looks when I explained to at least half a dozen people that I was not pregnant, could not be pregnant and was most definitely NOT sexually active. I even had to explain to one person that I hadn't even "tried once." Man! Those people in those offices ask some personal questions.  It's funny now but at the time, I was completely embarassed; Not to mention the humiliating exam they were about to put me through. Well, they didn't find any tumors and my Wierd Cycle Mystery lived on!

About 3 and a half years ago, I met a boy in my Single's Ward. My roommate wanted me to date him and my response was, "The kid with the braces?" Upon further inspection, I found that Braces was a pretty nice guy. Soon after, we started dating and in December 2006, we were married. 

This is us while we were engaged! Aren't we cute? 

By the time that we had been married for a year, I had gone to two different doctors about my Mystery. The first one shrugged his shoulders and said, "Well, it's not impeding your life yet so let's just put you on this birth control." The next one insulted my weight, nationality, and family history. Then, while getting up to leave she said, "Oh I know! I think you have this. Go home and Google it. It's not a big deal!"  Aghast and mildly disgusted with her bedside manner, I went home and did some research.

Through my research over the next several weeks, I found that it was anything BUT  "not a big deal." I promptly switched insurance plans so as to find a REAL doctor and began corresponding with an acquaitance with the same syndrome. Through these emails, I was able to find direction. I began seeing a wonderful OB/GYN that has been working with my husband and I since.  My MYSTERY found a name: PCOS or polycystic ovarian syndrome. And I have it in SPADES!

Although this can be very hard, we have been so blessed.  We are surrounded by friends and family that love us and pray for us. We have been able to have so many opportunities. We have each other! Did I mention that my husband is the most amazing man that I know? And most importantly, we have our Faith in Christ. We have been able to make it this far by drawing near to Him and that's the way that we'll keep going! At this point, it's too early to tell how we'll get children. But we know that we will get them and we can't wait!

Rollercoaster of....Love?

So I know that I said that I would introduce myself in this post but decided against it. Instead, I feel the need to talk about the wonderful Rollercoaster of Emotions on which the fertility drugs put me. Take today for example. I wake up and everything's going as normal. However, by 10am I am experiencing a level of anger that is not becoming of a young lady. Nothing brought this wave of emotions, it just...happened. (That sounds like I pretty lame excuse, I know) But I looked like this!

Within an hour I looked like this!

I stayed in this stage for awhile with brief stints of...

But mostly....

Oh the JOYS of trying to get to Motherhood.

Wait a minute...

When I was fifteen years old, I asked my parents for perfume for Christmas. But I didn't ask for just any perfume; it was Clinique Happy! I kept talking about it for months because it would be my first REAL bottle of perfume. Christmas time came around and the present opening began! I opened my presents and to my surprise, the perfume was not there. No sooner had I realized that I wouldn't be receiving it than I watched my 23-year-old, oldest sister open one of her presents. Guess what she got: my perfume. I was crushed. Not only did my parents fail to give me what I asked for, they gave it to someone else!  Months later, my sister tried to give me the perfume claiming that she had grown tired of the smell and wished to be rid of it. I was thinking, "You've got to be kidding me! You didn't even want it and therefore didn't appreciate it!" Has that ever happened to you? Did someone else get your Christmas presents? 

It's been nine years since that happened. But this past Christmas, it happened again. But this present wasn't something to be found underneath the tree. I was hoping that my Christmas present was a positive result on a pregnancy test. But Christmas came and went. Afterwards, I felt like shouting, "SANTA! Where's the LOVE??" Unfortunately, it seemed like everywhere I turned people were having babies, announcing pregnancies or complaining about their current pregnancies/children. 

This blog is about my journey to (hopefully) motherhood. My next post, I'll introduce myself and a little of what I'm going through.